


The One That Got Away

by Jubbles



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:42:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29702829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubbles/pseuds/Jubbles
Summary: Snippets of Will Gardner's POV about his relationshp with Alicia (Cavanaugh) Florrick.
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Peter Florrick, Alicia Florrick/Will Gardner





	The One That Got Away

It is such a legend.

"the one that got away"

They didn't, actually. We let them leave or we did not fight for them, with words, actions or either of those. Confessing when they're just about to leave town may be a bit cowardly but at least you could have said that you _tried_ dammit and wouldn't be left to imagine what life could have been like if you were together, you could maintain your friendship pure and untainted by untimely wants.

\- Alicia, do you need some help with the case? Kalinda is free now.

Yeah, she's free to keep you company because bi or not Kalinda doesn't bring such a baggage like that from our mutual past.

\- No, Will, thank you, I think Cary and I got it this time.

And isn't that a surprise? She keeps up with upstarts arrogant guys as well as she did when we were in college together, before Peter and the press and her public persona smothered the friend I knew before. She still has the same magnetic smile, creased with age and grief. And I'm still the same go getter, single, coiffed and ready to be the best I can be, needing to be free from trouble that love would bring me.

Gods I'm such an idiot.

What matters to her now, then? That I still think about her? That I want to take her away to a place just of our own, to make her as happy as I could be and that I would spend the rest of my life apologizing for every fuck up I did and proving that I could be better for her. She is special. Why should she bother with me if I care? If I really cared I wouldn't have just walked away from her life, I would have taken her with me and we would have ruled the world together.

Now I'm here, top of the world, and still lacking what I want. Still envying Peter when he is disgraced, unloved and a smaller man than we have ever imagined.

* * *

Thing is, I can look at Alicia and see that she thinks with the past and the rose colored eyes of could-have-beens and what-ifs. That I would (probably) not ever reach the point of satisfying her fantasies since we were so very young and naive back then, unworried, with no children or deeper entanglement than walking away from our parent's supervision and safety. She was already a woman back then but I was a man-child wanting to own the sandbox and to prove to her I was the best.

It was fine.

Until it wasn't.

\- Will, this is Peter, my boyfriend. Peter, this is Will, he's a fellow law addict.

That's okay, friendship was sturdier, solid, long-lasting with no regrets because you get to be with that person for however long you both try and make it work. What does it matter if we never see each other naked? Friends can help each other out sexually but friends can also cede the bathroom to the other friend and keep their masturbation a secret. No need to disgust no one.

\- Nice to meet you, Peter, I hope you're enough for our Alicia, she's a bright one, her, going to places.

\- Trust me, Will, as long as I'm there with her she can catch a ride to the moon and I would be the luckiest man to exist.

Smooth distinguished bastard. He's not even that much older than us, what the hell did he do? Scroll down the best women in law school and went after the one that checked anyone's personal list? 

I guess this is a really awful moment to think about the way people claim friendship is better than romantic sex. Timing, pfft really? What a lame excuse, Gardner, you could've done better.

* * *

I wish I'm the reason why Kalinda and Alicia are so close friends now but I'm sadly not. Both of my friends needed an escape from the structure they think they need to maintain at all times. And now here they are, Kalinda, with her first real saphic friendship where she can see the relationship going every each way but chosing longevity rather than her one night stand dating habits. Good. It would be terrible having her as my enemy when trying to win affection.

My other, unlikely but believable, competition would be in Eli Gold, the predator. Ruthless in his job, he mocked "saint Alicia" the whole beginning of their relationship, circling each other for weakeness. He didn't find one, did he now? He realized she has a heart of gold and bones of steel, that she's stronger than Peter. Florrick was only as good as he debatably was because Alicia Cavanaugh wouldn't allow lowering herself to someone that wasn't making the effort. Eli Gold fell for her strenght but he stayed for her softness.

That one is a trickier enemy, he would sabotage my attempts. He _did_ enough subtle sabotage that it' suspicious he has his hands so clean now.

Peter... Well, he has the kids. The early dreams. He screwed up immensely and as long as Alicia remained strong, here with me to keep her distracted, she wouldn't ever need to go back to Peter-unfaithful-Florrick, getting her to lie to make him look better. No! She does not deserve that and I'll help her maintain the standards anyone working on Lockhar Gardner & Stein neeeds to have.

* * *

_\- It was amazing because it was with you. You're one hell of a person. I think we should take a break so that you can get your needs met properly and I can straighten my life. I would like to stay friends and attempt another time; you were nothing short of amazing during our time together._

I can see her face turning like stone, trying to hide away her sweet features and the way she holds her heart on her sleeve. I just tore it away from her in one swoop of male entitlement now. Because I felt overwhelmed from her attention and I was afraid of failing, failing her, my studies, what I set out to do. That was 20 years ago and as much as I want to take it all back I cannot. Her presence demands recognition and I think evetually she would realize I'm lacking. Even when I want to give her all the attention she honestly deserves... Maybe I wouldn't be enough to keep up with her, I needed to get better first before disappointing Alicia.

She is absolutely right in ignoring me nowadays. She may be thankful of my help for hiring her with her scandal and her lack of experience. Having the theoretical knowledge means nothing if you can't handle yourself in court and oh boy, has she _learned_! Looking so perfectly in control of herself, owning the court and everyone's attention, she dusted off the rust in minutes, it feels like. And I thoroughly enjoy when others desire my newest junior associate, torturing others with the knowledge that they can't have her... as a employee or something more, I want to be on her line of sight always.

She's a lot more self confident and assertive now, she needed to walk away from her husband's shadow. Feels like I should be more intimidated but, honestly? It finally feels like I'm worthy. I needed that experience gap and she's already a hurricane coming after the highest partners.

* * *

\- I want you, don't deny you want me too.. I want to completely own you, your body your mind, you consent, everything.

You want to know why I got afraid with you ignoring my phone call? Because I cannot afford to think more about it, a plan, a future! I cannot afford it because I love really hard, because you've always been my right person and this is just shitty timing. I refuse to allow that to be a problem anymore!

\- What about my family, Will! What about work, the media? Eli will have a heart attack, you know? We can't have whatever we want whenever we want!

I can see her little smile tugging at her lips, she may not be seriously considering jumping ship with me but I know that she's happy that I'm fighting for her, like she wanted me to do all those years ago, her stunning brown eyes holding me steady. She's trouble. She is perfection. It's subtle, just exudes off her like heat, begging for an embrace and burning those brave enough to touch.

\- And what about Peter?

\- _What_ about Peter? Are you sincerely telling me you want to get back with the man that cheated on you? That thought you were just going to take it? That uses you without loving you anymore? Wasn't that what you hinted about? Wasn't _that_ why he cheated?!

\- You know, just because we're talking again you don't need to be such an asshole.

She's such a tease it drives me nuts. She's talking with her mouth doing the little hidden smile that makes her look so smug, like she's very innocent and cute but then there's a hidden danger beneath those clothes, underneath the smooth pencil skirt, her skin so incredible to behold but too hot to touch at times. Alicia is kind of like the sun.

* * *

\- So this is what's going to happen? You're leaving me? The firm?

\- Yes.

That's the thing everyone uderestimates Alicia for: she has a sense of humor but she's tough when needed to be. That is the little window to her core that very few realize is never shut close...

the problem is I can't get enough of her. 

\- Well then, I'll see you in court. Now get out of my office.

We could have stayed friends. Tried another go to be the power couple of my imagination. We can be rivals or acquaintances, I don't care. We are going to be circling each other. I will always want her, miss her, love her even when I hate her with all my strenght. I care about her, what we have will always be special.

Like a gunshot fired in an otherwise quiet room.


End file.
